That’s what I feel like I’ve been doing for the past week. I finally made the decision regarding work that I’ve been struggling with for so long. I feel like God gave me an answer regarding which direction I should go, so I accepted the position here at my local hospital. I haven’t given notice to my employers yet, but there is a good reason for that. This is where the brick wall comes in……
With the new job, I will have to provide insurance for my family on my own. A couple of days after I decided to take the job, I started calling around to get insurance quotes. Let me insert a little bit of history here. In 2006, my husband began to have an elevation in his liver enzymes. He has them checked regularly because he takes cholesterol medication. He was taken off of his medication just in case that was the cause of the problem, however, after nine months, his enzymes continued to rise. With medication being ruled out as the cause, he had to undergo multiple tests, including more labwork, liver ultrasounds, and finally a liver biopsy. The biopsy results confirmed what we had hoped was not the problem - NASH, or fatty liver disease. He has been very healthy other than increased cholesterol, and after the diagnosis, he was placed back on his meds. He watches his diet and exercises, and his liver enzymes have remained under control after a weight loss of about 20 pounds. There is no cure for NASH. If uncontrolled, it can lead to cirrhosis, and the only treatment if necessary is a transplant. Now, back to the present. When I mentioned this diagnosis during the insurance questioning, red flags went up everywhere. And, unfortunately, he has been denied coverage. He is currently covered under the policy provided to us by my employer, because family members can’t be denied under group coverage. But they can be denied on individual policies. I hit a brick wall. He can’t be without insurance, and I can’t take the job if he can’t get coverage.
I cried, and I was broken-hearted when he cried. He wants more than anything for me to be happy, and he knows how badly I wanted to get back home to work. He feels as if he is to “blame” for this situation. But I wasn’t as upset about the fact that I may be unable to take the job here as I was about the realization that he has a health problem that could potentially become very serious. Yes, I knew that before, but I don’t view him as being “sick.” We don’t really think about it. But, when you are faced with the fact that it is listed as a “high-risk condition” that insurance companies won’t cover, you start to think about a lot of things. I’ve had this overwhelming desire to feed him only fruits and vegetables. I want to stare at him at memorize every feature. Maybe I’m being silly, but I don’t want to think about life without him when he’s only 36.
I started thinking that maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson in perseverance. I tend to give up on things too easily. I was told about a health insurance program for high-risk individuals. I checked into it, and I think we can get coverage for him for less than a quarter of the cost that my employer is paying for him right now! Hallelujah! We are waiting for the denial letter from the other insurance company that is required with the application. The kids and I are going to be able to get a very good policy at an affordable price. So, it looks like I’ll be taking the job after all!
I was having the hardest time understanding all of this. I called my mom and said, “I just don’t understand why the Lord would lead me here just to put up this brick wall.” She reminded me that placing blame on the Lord isn’t the way to find understanding. And, I still felt the Lord nudging me toward this job. I was telling SP my thoughts about perseverance and learning from this situation, and she opened up her Bible and handed me a bookmark. “Keep it,” she said. And I almost cried when I read it. How amazing God is! SP could have had any bookmark in her Bible, but she had this one……here’s what it says……
Perseverance
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galations 6:9
Matthew 24:13
2 Thessalonians 3:13
2 Timothy 2:1
2 Timothy 3:14
Hebrews 3:6-8
Hebrews 12:1
2 Peter 1:10-11
Romans 8:35-39
1 Corinthians 15:58
I covet your prayers as I work on all of these health insurance applications and the application for my liability insurance. I have to make sure they are all in effect before I start, hopefully on September 15. I also desire your prayers as I prepare to give notice to my employers (and as I wait for my dad to hear the news - I’m afraid he won’t be happy). It’s hard to quit a job, especially when you really like the people you work for. I just know that this will be better for my future and keep me close to home.
In addition to all of this, I was stripping wallpaper and painting in my kitchen last week. I had taken the week off so I could take Miss Priss to school and pick her up each day of her first week back. I finally finished the kitchen, but in the midst of the chaos I got very little sleep and was absolutely worn out all week. I had weird dreams every night!
I know this post is really long, but there’s so much going on in my life right now! Our music minister has asked me to pray about leading a children’s choir at church for 1st through 5th graders (and middle schoolers who may be interested). I’m praying about that, and praying that the Lord will lead someone to help me. I was asked if I would be interested in being the PTSO treasurer at Miss Priss’s school. I will probably be nominated at the first meeting next week. And, I’m giving my testimony in Sunday School this Sunday. A new class has just been started by some very dear friends of ours. We are sharing “our stories” with each other as the Lord leads us. I’ve never shared my testimony in a group, but I felt the Lord prompting me to do so.
I pray that you all have a wonderful week!
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